I remember thinking to myself, is this all there is?
With my optimistic naïveté I stepped into the real world with my structured plan intact, thinking I had it all figured out. Being the goal-oriented person that I am, I knew my next move required strategy. By the time I left college, I had a job waiting for me, plans to move into New York City with a close friend and an arrangement with my boyfriend to continue our relationship long distance. All the loose ends were tied up. By everyone’s standards I had attained the goals that many strive for post college… I should’ve been happy, right?
I was blind to the challenges that lay before me. It wasn’t until I stepped off that college campus, diploma in hand, that I got smacked in the face by the real world. Literally smacked and I’m still in the process of healing that sting. I had the type of college experience that was so fulfilling in every corner of my life that its void was very apparent when I had to leave it behind.
To say I struggled in transitioning to the work routine and environment is an understatement. With my personality, I saw this struggle as a challenge, so naturally I pushed through. I slowly became aware that the confident, cheerful, and creative part of myself I had discovered during school, was being chipped away. Even so, I wasn’t willing to give up this so-called accomplishment of a job that so many said I needed to have to be successful.
Everything began to erode. The job, the apartment and the long distance relationship began to feel like weights that were pulling me down to the point where I felt I was gasping for air. I had many thoughts of feeling crazy and even ungrateful for having these feelings of unrest. I went through the phase of faking the smile and pretending to myself that everything was fine. But the bottom line was, the life was being sucked out of me and that I couldn’t pretend.
It’s then that I knew I needed a change, but I didn’t know what the hell that meant.
It’s one thing to have this realization and it’s another to act on it. I constantly felt confused about what direction I needed to go in. My mind seemed always to be racing and no matter how much I felt I had figured things out, the next day I had more questions.
Fast-forward 2 years later and here I am sitting in my family den writing this blog. I quit my job, gave up my apartment in New York City, and said a heartfelt goodbye to my boyfriend. I began to resent myself for becoming so complacent with a life that sounded great on paper, but I knew deep down wasn’t right for me. After months of agony, anxiety and disappointment in myself, I did it.
It was exhausting trying to explain this to people and trying to get them to accept my decision. It was after some reflection that I realized I was wasting my breath. People will always have their opinions and it’s not your job to convince them of what’s best for you. You know what’s best for you.
It’s important to do a good job of listening to yourself and an even better job of not listening to others.
Through self-reflection, countless journal entries, innumerable life discussions with my psychologist mother mixed in with more sleepless nights of self-reflection, I was redirected back to my true passion, entrepreneurship. My true passion of wanting to create something that’s beautiful and meaningful, that will not only give me purpose but will help others in finding their purpose, that will better lives and create a social impact. Parivara & Tu saved me.
What I have realized is that all my seeking helped me develop another part of me. What I know as of now is that Parivara & Tu exemplifies the part of me that went above the norm and beyond the fear and followed a passion. I realized that once I let go of all the preconceived ideas of what the perfect life looks like, I was able to discover who I am and what I need for myself to be happy at this stage of my life.
Parivara & Tu 